Angst is a blessing that points her gaze upwards; a necessary pain signaling a heart still pumping and not failing. He will be the only one to hold her together, 16 For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. 17 He is before all things, and in him all things hold together (I Colossians), but she's overwhelmed by the pull of the here and now. The glint of the bright and shiny distract her fickle heart; where her treasure is, there her heart is, there her emotions are, there her spirit is. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also (Matthew 6:21). A constant battle for affections wars and the line must be drawn and defended every day, every hour, every minute, and every moment. The weight of her weakness presses heavy, yet His promise to restore remains her hope.
No longer is she suffocating under the misconception that she can swim to safety by herself, but a fight still rages to grasp tight her desires. She's tempted to wrestle the waves of the temporary on her own. The tide of wistful longings and numbing substitutes threaten to overtake, and all the while the threat of drowning is not outside of her, but within. The desire to control the uncontrollable height, depth, and strength of the waves produces overwhelming fatigue, and she must continually let go of the misconception that anything but Him will carry her safely to the shore. The knowledge that He is in complete control and His love remains the same gives her peace no matter the tow.
The tide pulls from all angles; yet, her joy ignites as she savors the impact of beauty created from ashes; how an infinite, omnipotent, all-knowing creator, can weave all circumstances, all free-will decisions, all sin, and all actions for the good. The unlimited patience of Her creator to see His work complete gives her comfort, but she acknowledges that it requires an internal wrestling, a brutal facing and relinquishing of the here and now; a continuous letting go of selfish desires in exchange for the beauty of His perfect reign and rule.
