My Jonathan

“....for he loved him as he loved his own soul” (v. 17).
- 1 Samuel 20

Vulnerability is not his forte, and his words will leave others bare.  His condemning thoughts turned to action have stripped him, and there is nothing left but to reveal the rotting flesh.  The miles running under the tires are building the dread of laying his deepest debt upon the table, but he is compelled to end the charade.  He has no thoughts to feel for others, because his hole of a heart has become a crater of self-preservation; devouring deceptive promises into his starved soul.  Now is the time to end the concealment and dangle his heart on the line.

The biggest battle originates from within, and it will destroy all in its path. The scales that have multiplied must be shed.  He sits across from eyes that will soon experience busted betrayal.  He wants more than anything to be rid of the lies, but knows the pain that will gush forth with the tidal wave of truth.  He fears the layers that must be scraped are too deep for his own healing much less anyone else, yet the eyes that meet the first swell of shock are a stunned, saddened compassion. A reaction of devastation mingled with a piercing acknowledgment of the real man.  A man wounded, lost and in desperate need of someone who abhors the evil within him,  but clings to the good and devotes himself to fighting whatever demons arise.

The selfish man meets the self-giving man who shares  the weight of consequences.  The lonely wanderer meets the loving brother who wipes away his tears of sorrow.  The hopeless meets the hopeful - a radical who loves his neighbor as himself.  The trusted foe sees beyond the disaster, broken and bloody, and sets his friend's eyes towards the restored and refined road.  He takes his brother's hand as they navigate the ruins and reminds him of his substance,  a path pointed towards joy, hope, and love. They grasp onto hope and persevere through deafening doubt towards  a destination guaranteed to bring ultimate love, security, fulfillment and significance. 

The Difficult Plan

"This moment of difficulty is not in the way of the plan. This moment IS the plan. The difficulties are a sure sign of his redemptive love .. Not unfaithfulness."  - Paul Tripp

Dear regret,

Those condemning  thoughts just won't let you sleep and keep nicking those healing scars open.  Yes, your reaction to the cage of pretense was cruel.  Walls upon walls of numbing protection growing in response to manipulation. Bricks surround your bleeding heart.  Bricks meant for a tall tower of protection, but resulting in a fortress for a battle leaving victims in its wake.

Dear wounded,

Unspoken words left a gaping hole; a slicing silence of retaliation.  You know it was too much for another to enter into the pain of the cuts you carelessly carved.  You weep over another's apathy and mourn your sinful search to fill the void.  You tested beyond what any heart should face, yet you still feel the consequences that burn of hatred and numbing disregard .

Dear fearful,
A small heart was replaced with another, a gift wrapped with sorrow, as one mother's tears give way to another's joy.  One moment full of promise, and the next a harsh inhalation of despair.  Trepidation produces the thought that your gift, too, could be taken at any moment and the struggle against doubt threatens to consume.

Dear bitter,
A life was stripped from your loving grasp, leaving billowing storm clouds.  The senseless pain and loss weigh heavy upon your soul and threaten to suffocate.  The loudness of an empty home screams of memories spent and dreams dashed.  You choke on the silent sob erupting within and raise fists to the dark sky.

Dear friends,
The ghosts that haunt can linger if we grip tight.  How shall we answer?  Oh Lord, be our hearts and minds, when we cannot feel or think in tidal waves of despair.  Restore in our hearts the faith to relinquish from our hands and place back into the hands of one who orchestrates every grief-stricken second for the redemptive good.  We will most certainly breathe again when we gasp fighting against the chains that so easily shackle.   His blood cleanses, His word breathes new life, and his love...  
Oh, His sweet love breaks the chains.